All I can say is victory.
This girl in my class has stole my seat next to my best friend every. single. time. NOT ANYMORE you will be over thrown and a new age will begin NEXT WEEK THE IRON THRONE WILL BE MINE!!! WINTER IS COMING BITCHES!!!
So I lit my toaster oven on fire today while cooking. I was watching the big lebowski and eating a burrito when suddenly I smelled smoke
so I turned around and the bread I had put in the toaster oven was on fire. Naturally I panicked and flailed around
and screamed a bit
and sat there like this for a bit
when finally I realized that if I dont do something soon Im going to set the whole kitchen on fire. SO I TOOK ACTION
as I scrambled to find something to put the fire out with my brain was telling me FIND A FUCKING FIRE EXTINGUISHER but then I remembered I was in a house there are no fire extinguishers also right next to said fire was a highly flammable and explosive can of rubber cement thinner. So in my panic I grabbed a glass of water and threw its contents at the fire. Then proceeded to dance around screaming WHAT NOW BITCH I KICKED YOUR FIREY ASS!!! SUCK MY LADY DICK!!! And then I proceeded to dance around like a moron. AND THAT my dear friends is how I nearly burned down the house. But I survived.
I need to stop trying to cook for a while
Now I’ve been wanting to talk about this for quite sometime so here it is. Recently I was going to use the restroom when I noticed that the two people next to me have not done a single thing. The three of us were sitting there awkwardly waiting for someone to make a move. The silence became unbearable so I decided to fuck it and get on with my life. As I was in post use of the toilet I had reached for the toilet paper and suddenly the door used to refill the stuff fell down. So here I am trying to wipe in this tiny ass stall that is taken up by my jacket and art supplies but now I have to deal with this stupid lid to the toilet paper dispenser as any one could imagine this made quite a bit of noise. And during all my banging and cursing no one else had made a sound. They just sat there quietly and listened to me.
So recently I got home from my wonderful winter break and got a stationary bike for my new journey into the world of being healthy. The only problem is that its seat was made in the very deepest depths of hell. Sitting on that thing is like sitting on one of Satans horns. That is all.
My poor precious booty :’(
this has been my school this whole week
I was just standing there during a crit and these two people were totally flirting with eachother while I was standing right there in the middle of them like I didnt exist. like i could feel both of them breathing down my neck and everything.
I just stood there between them like:
eventually I moved in the most spectacularly awkward way
it was weird uncomfortable and I was scared.
So I dont get why when youre in an empty room FULL OF SEATS people just come take the seat right next to you. Every time I go to a movie theater or want to read some weird article or just browse tumblr some one has to come and sit right next to me and suddenly everything is awkward.
so I just sit there like
sometimes though I really really want to turn around to said person and just be like
just to see what they would do.
This must be how dudes feel when they talk about dudes taking the urinal next to them.
Now I know the whole thing about headphones and pockets and how the things will tangle no matter how hard you try to keep them form doing so but mine have decided to go beyond that. I set them untangled on A TABLE (THATS A FLAT SUFACE FOR FUCKS SAKE) and when I went to put them on it looked like my headphones were in a wrestling match between two squirrels on crack and red bull. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN I say dark and mysterious forces are at work here.
Recently I have been taking the train home from where I go to school. Now to begin with my awkward story one must first understand that I am a sketchy looking traveler, I have no problem with sitting on a bench in the dark alone with my huge coat and large duffle bag. So people generally avoid me. To get to the point I pulled out my computer and decided to browse tumblr. I was well aware of the risk as earlier someone I followed was posting porn but I decided to gamble with fate, because IM A HIGH ROLLER BITCH. However what I encountered was not porn but just as bad:
Thank you Jenny Thunder for scaring the shit out of everyone on the train and earning me the most awkward of looks for the next hour.